Fri, Jun. 18th, 2004, 04:12 pm
If anyone comes around and ruins today,let me know,m'kay?I'll send Shinzo after 'em.He's been looking for some target practice.Kidding,kidding.Bad humor there.
I've known you for almost two years,and I plan on wishing you a happy birthday until you're old and hunched over and wearing diapers again...even though by then they'll have stuck me in a home somewhere.I'll grab a wheelchair and wind up at your door. XD What?You think you're going to get rid of me so easily?Never!
So-o,I'll leave now and let you go back to whatever it is you'd rather be doing then reading this.But you'd better have fun today,or I'm going to come after you and MAKE you have fun.Trust me.It's possible.That's what the wide,wide world of illegal drugs are for.
Have a fabulous,amazing,super-wonderful day-no,wait.Week.Or month,or year,or---
Ah...just...have a great life.Nobody I know deserves it more then you.<3333
Mon, Jun. 14th, 2004, 04:49 pm
I am SO tired.
I think I could lay back and take a two-week nap,except for the fact that,without my knowledge,my family got together and decided that I could no longer have sleeping pills of any sort.I told them fine.They could get a job working with bratty little kids,come home and make dinner,break up fights between their brothers,clean the results of said fights,and crawl into bed only to find that they can't sleep.It's just a wonderful way to live.
They want me to take medication for my NERVES,but they won't let me have SLEEPING PILLS.
It's times like these I wish Sev lived here,with his special tea that always relaxes me and helps me have nightmare-less sleep.
It's also times like these I wish Koki were alive,because she could settle the argument and help with the cooking and housework,and stop Shinzo from getting worse.God,she's a miracle worker.But...I can't think about that for too long,because then I go into guilt mode,and you can't take care of things when you're in guilt mode.I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry.No matter how much I say it,I can't change anything,and guilt eventually turns into self-pity,so it's better to just do what I still can.
Pray that Matt won't turn out like me,try to make sure he won't hurt anyone or get too hurt by anyone.
Love Shinzo with all my heart,make sure that he knows it.Smile and laugh a lot around him.
Beg Amaya to send us food.
And see if I can get some sleeping pills from one of my friends...hopefully BEFORE I pass out at work from lack of sleep and mal-nurishment.
Thu, Jun. 3rd, 2004, 02:18 pm
Bet you can't tell what's been on my mind.
Sleep?Why would you think that?No,it's a certain someone's birthday present.<3
And,of course,how I have absolutely no plans for the future since I've known from the time I was five that I'd never live this long,so it seems pretty useless to college.But I'm not dead.I won't be dying any time soon.I'm seventeen,and for the love of God and popcorn,I am not sick.Thank you Mother,for that little suspicion in the back of my mind that says Divine's devil-spawn daughter will be horribly ill but will never be able to realize it herself so she has to have people beat the sickness out of her,and in the meantime,if she talks to anyone or goes outside,she'll be condensed to little more then a ragdoll,lying in bed until she slowly and painfully dies.
Well,now.Look at Seihana.I can feed myself and everything,without anyone laying a finger to me.Miracle child,I'm telling you.
And now,Miracle Child is going to make lunch for her brother and do a little shopping.She'll see you later if she isn't passed out in her room,slowly and painfully dying.
Ah~!Yoki didn't drink all of the lemonade,after all!The simple joys of life are endless,darlings.
OMG LIKE WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!111oneone!!!!111!one!!!
I am so out of here.Jaq-Jaq,I changed my mind!I'll come with you!But not this weekend,next weekend.Is that okay?
(Jaqell's a new member of Trix's family!I met him when I was almost late for school one day.He drove me.)
(He thinks he's badass.)
(But his car is!And he's cute.Which he is now going to let go to his head.And Shinzo really hates him.Teehee!Fight like a man,Jaq-Jaq.And,and,oh yes.I am the ONLY ONE WHO CAN CALL HIM JAQ-JAQ BECAUSE I HAVE THE DUCT TAPE LEASH.)
(Fear the duct tape!)
(Oh,and he's also madly in love with me.Yes.Yes,he is.*gigglesnort*)
(I'm stopping now.)
No,I'm not as hyper I seem.I am simply filled with sugar from the icing on the END-OF-TESTING CELEBRATION CAKE!
Trix,Jaq-Jaq,and I skipped school today,since it was a party day.Kam had the day off from work.Sooooo we baked a celebration cake (actually,we were mostly throwing flour at each other,but hey) and went joyriding.Then we saw some construction workers eating lunch,so we thought we'd cheer them up.Trix attempted to play Dede's toy guitar that Jaq-Jaq had in his car,Kam beeped the car horn at the right moments,and Jaq-Jaq and I sang and danced,ending up with a very twisted version of "If You're Happy and You Know It".Most of the workers laughed,but the boss came over and ordered us away.Trix drew a smiley face on his forehead with lipstick,and the rest of us threw flowers at him.
We got back into the car and drove off,turning the radio to an oldies station and cranking it up.We rolled the windows down and started singing at the top of our lungs.When we got tired of that,we started walking up to people on the street and acting like we knew them to see what they'd do.It's funny how many people will smile and be all "uhm,yeah,of COURSE I remember you darling!".
I wish it could always be this way.<3
Kam,get your ass down to my house now.RIGHT NOW.Yeah,I know -he- did something.I'm not stupid.I don't know what you and the rest of the boys have been thinking,but it's not going to happen.Do you hear me?IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.So you can call up here and make excuses all you want,but I swear to whatever god you worship if I have to get on a plane and go to their house and I don't get back in time for my exams,I'm dropping out of school and then you'll see just how freaking much I care what happens in my future.
And Sev.Yeah.You know what?I don't even know if I want to say anything to you.I am absolutely disgusted.I can not believe you would do that to your brother,or to yourself.You know me better and you've known me longer then anyone.So why?Why didn't you know how upset something like this would make me?How could you?
In my head,it's the Burning Butterfly.
All over again.
Here.The survey.I filled it out a little earlier,when I was in a...better mood.Enjoy my conformist ways.And how I don't lj cut because I'm lazy.
001.name: Seihana (Sushi) Leigh Kuyka
002.d.o.b.: ...Um,actually,I..don't know...*laughs nervously*Mother never told me.
003.location: On Matt's beanbag. XD Rainbow!
004.religion: Meh.I'm not sure what to believe in anymore.
005.occupation: I work at a daycare we call the Center,or the Center of Hell.Just look what's in store for my life.ee;
001.hair: Tangerine blonde...kinda wavy and way too long.
001. clothing: Any and every style.
003.make up: Depends on the situation.
004.bodyart: I don't care for it too much.
001.wearing: T-shirt,shorts,boots,purple and black leggings and armsocks,random dangly stuff.
002.listening to: Eh,Matt's playing something.I haven't been paying attention to what it is.
003.thinking of: This survey.And if I'm going to be sitting around the house my whole spring vacation or if I'm going to find something to do.Sigh.Friends and their stupid hometowns.x_o
LAST THING YOU...
001.bought: Uh,some kind of cookies for Dede.
002.ate & drank: I'm drinking Fruitopia...and...lesse.I think I ate something yesterday,or the night before.Or a couple days before.Same difference.
003.read: This. ^^;
004.watched on tv: Probably some cartoon at the Center.
EITHER / OR
001.club or houseparty: Whoah,it's been forever since I went clubbin'.TRIX!Get your butt up here and let's go.
002.tea or coffee: Tea!
003.achiever or slacker: Achiever.
004.beer or cider: Hm,cider.
005.drinks or shots: *cough*
006.cats or dogs: Mrow.
007.single or taken: ...hm.Can't have both,can I?XD
008.pen or pencil: Pen.So I won't have to sharpen.Ha,I'm so lazy.=p
009.gloves or mittens: Mittens!=o
010.food or candy: Peach gummy riiiiiings.
011.cassette or cd: CD.
012.coke or pepsi: ....blah.I guess Coke.Don't really care for either.
013.hard or mild alcohol: Skipping this,darlings.
014.matches or a lighter: Lighters are fun to play with.
015.sunset beach or the bold and the beautiful: Un...
016.Rickie lake or oprah winfrey: HARPO! Xx; No.Really.Hate 'em both.
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
001.kill: Well,I guess you can all stay alive for the moment.
002.hear from: A few people.
003.get really wasted with: Heh...
004.look like: Not Mother.x_o
005.be like: I believe I'll stay Sushi for a little while,thanks.
006.avoid: Shinzo,cause it's his turn to cook tonight and I'm NOT doing it for him.
LAST PERSON YOU
002.talked to: Matt
004.instant messaged: ...
005.kissed: Rio.That's right.And if he tries it again I'll kick him where it'll hurt back to his birthday.
006.who broke your heart: A tree.I thought we had something special,Mr. Maple!(Private joke. XDDD Remember that,Trix?)
WHERE DO YOU
002.dance: Eh.I'm not much of a dancer.
003.cry:...*sigh*Hasn't anyone ever told you that crying won't change anything?
004.wish you were: With one of my friends.
HAVE YOU EVER...
001.Dated one of your best friends? ...No,not exactly.
002.Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? ..Yeah.
003.Drank alcohol? No.
005.Broken the law? Many,many,MANY times.
006.Ran away from home? Best thing I ever did.
007.Broken a bone? Mmhm.
008.Cheated on a test? Nope.
009.Skinny dipped? NO.Surveys and skinny dipping,I swear.
010.Played Truth Or Dare? Yeah.
011.Flashed someone? Hm,no..
012.Mooned Someone? God no!XDD
013.Kissed someone you didn't know? Yeah.
014.Been on a talk show/game show? Don't want to.
015.Been in a fight? Been in a hundred fights.
016.Ridden in a fire truck? Oooh,no,but now I want to for some reason. =D Let's go find one and try to jump on and get ourselves killed!
017.Been on a plane? Yup.
018.Come close to dying? *bursts out laughing*I am a Hastemudi Seeker.Coming close to dying was a part of the job.
019.Cheated on your Boy/Girlfriend? Never ever.
020.Gave someone a piggy back/shoulder ride? Yeeeah.
021.Eaten a worm/mud pie? Ugh,I hope not.
022.Swam in the ocean? Yeah.
023.Had a nightmare/dream that made you wake up? I want my sleeping pills back so bad.I'm about to hunt down a Buki-kun and take them back by force,if I have to.
001.The most embarrassing CD in your collection? Ha,I have a Disney Buddy cd.It's for the kids!I swear. X3
002.Your bedroom like? Pictures everywhere,big locked box in the corner,Memori's toys all over the place,sheet music stacked randomly,paper stars hanging from the ceiling.It's a nice kind of messy.
003.Your favorite thing for breakfast? Ah,just hand me a peice of fruit or some juice and let me go.
004.Your favorite thing for lunch? Food.
005.Your favorite thing for dinner? Well,I don't usually eat dinner.Sometimes I'll eat a snack.
006.Your favorite Restaurant? Eh,I like a few.
001.A Vegetarian?: SAVE US FROM THE REIGN OF AMAYA!
002.A Good Student?: Pretty good,I guess.
003.Good At Sports?: A couple.
004.Wakeboarding/Snowboarding: Haven't been.
005.A Good Singer?: ....*cough*
006.A good Actor/Actress?: Once upon a time,I could trick everyone.
007.A deep sleeper?: Not usually.
008.A Good Dancer?: I'm decent.*sighs*But I'm better at formal dancing then anything.Look at all the useful stuff Mother taught me.
011.A good storyteller?: Not especially.
012.Last words?: "What the---Matt!Tell me you didn't wear that to school?" (He was wearing a shirt that said "Real Men Wear Pink" and it was glaring neon pink.I think he just wants to get beat up.Oo;)
Mon, Mar. 29th, 2004, 05:14 pm
You know,I dyed my hair black a while ago...and over time it's been fading until I looked idiotic with half-black,half-orange hair that I had to put up in a million different ways to make it look decent.But for some reason,I never dyed it again.Xx;
Well,yesterday,Trix brought down some of this junk that's supposed to take the dye out of your hair even if the dye isn't really temporary.She begged me to try it,so I did.And after I'd put the stuff in and let it set before I washed it,my hair was BRIGHT,BRIGHT PINK.I bet if it had been dark,I would have glowed.
Of course,I was freaking out thinking that this stuff was going to make me have pink hair and Trix was worried because she knew that I'd kill her if she made me turn my hair pink with God-knows-what kinds of chemicals.I washed it out,and lo and behold...
I am back to my original,really weird,tangerine blonde hair.
I don't know.
But I'm pretty sure Matt saying "Wow,you really DO look like your mom!" didn't help.T-T
Uhm.So.I'm alive and such.
Trix was supposed to be taking a vacation with me,but as it turns out,she has to stay in New York for longer then she thought.We never have fun anymore. ._.; Which,of course,is mostly my fault.Sorry.
I REALLY need to seal those bracelets off.x_o But I don't get to sleep for however many hours afterwards,and it's probably going to make me tired and cranky as hell.Oh well.Maybe it's better this way.
Guess I'm gonna go sterilize that knife now.Psssh.Sounds like I'm going to slice someone up,but I just need a little bit of blood from my arm.Using some rusty 234268965-year-old blade and getting sick isn't one of my goals,so yeah.Later.
Sat, Mar. 13th, 2004, 05:03 pm
Somebody,come and pick me up.Let's go on a vacation...anywhere.It doesn't matter.And yeah,I have school,but that doesn't mean I have to go.And yeah,I'm falling behind,but as long as I pass the finals I'll graduate.And yeah,I WILL pass the finals.I hate my school way too much to stay here longer then I have to.
I just want to LEAVE.I want to get away from here for a while.Before,I couldn't leave for more then a couple of days because I was scared that something would happen while I was gone.Now I'm not really afraid and I figure I better take the chance while I have it.Besides...soon I have to blood seal those bracelets.I'm not looking forward to digging through Sev's books and finally having to use a little of the magic.I'm glad I already know most of what to do,because looking through Hastemudi spell and honor code books is a little creepy.
Before I have to do all of that,I want to go some place where I can take my mind off everything at home.I've been thinking about all of it too much.Talking about it with other people is alright,but when you're only thinking to yourself for a while,your ideas get a little too messed up.
Sooo...who wants to go?
Fri, Mar. 12th, 2004, 09:21 pm
Today Kam took me out for coffee,so we could talk a little while without Rio.Rio's wonderful and everything,but sometimes I need to talk to Kam without the fun having to beforced
in.We mostly talked about how we were glad that Cheiko was better,and how we were both going to miss Trix if she ever did have to move to New York for good,but I managed to slip a few "how've things been and are you alright with everything?" questions in.Then,out of the blue,he asked me who I was.
"I know you,Sushi.I know my opinion of you and and that I love being around you but I don't know what you think of yourself.And I'm more than a little curious.Sushi,what's Sushi like?"
But I couldn't answer him.I found that
more then a little disturbing.I know it's not unusual for people to tell anything and everything about somebody and not themselves,but when you can't say one single useful thing
,it's kind of scary.So I thought about it a while.And I came up with....well.Here goes. ( Read more...Collapse )
Tue, Mar. 9th, 2004, 04:35 pm
"You know what's funny?When you have dreams,you think they'll come true as you get older.Then when you get older,the dreams disappear entirely."
"Of course they don't.Dreams don't just disappear."
"Then what happens to them?"
"The same thing that happens to us.They change."
"But what if you didn't want things to change?"
"That's silly!Everyone wants something to change,don't they?We want to change our lives until they're perfect."
"Then we want to make them imperfect again."
"I guess that's right.You make it sound prettier then it is,though.You've always been an optimist,haven't you,Sushi?"
"Nah.It's realism for me,all the way.It fits perfectly 'cause...well,you know.Reality is what you make of it."
"Ha ha,sorry.I'm still working on that one."